"There is in our Western culture the romantic chivalric
tradition still strong, though as a product of Christendom (yet by no means the
same as Christian ethics) the times are inimical to it. It idealizes 'love' —
and as far as it goes can be very good, since it takes in far more than
physical pleasure, and enjoins if not purity, at least fidelity, and so
self-denial, 'service', courtesy, honour, and courage. Its weakness is, of
course, that it began as an artificial courtly game, a way of enjoying love for
its own sake without reference to (and indeed contrary to) matrimony. Its
centre was not God, but imaginary Deities, Love and the Lady. It still tends to
make the Lady a kind of guiding star or divinity – of the old-fashioned 'his
divinity' = the woman he loves – the object or reason of noble conduct. This
is, of course, false and at best make-believe. The woman is another fallen
human-being with a soul in peril. But combined and harmonized with religion (as
long ago it was, producing much of that beautiful devotion to Our Lady that has
been God's way of refining so much our gross manly natures and emotions, and
also of warming and colouring our hard, bitter, religion) it can be very noble.
Then it produces what I suppose is still felt, among those who retain even
vestigiary Christianity, to be the highest ideal of love between man and woman.
Yet I still think it has dangers. It is not wholly true, and it is not
perfectly 'theocentric'. It takes, or at any rate has in the past taken, the
young man's eye off women as they are, as companions in shipwreck not guiding
stars. (One result is for observation of the actual to make the young man turn
cynical.) To forget their desires, needs and temptations. It inculcates
exaggerated notions of 'true love', as a fire from without, a permanent
exaltation, unrelated to age, childbearing, and plain life, and unrelated to
will and purpose. (One result of that is to make young folk look for a 'love'
that will keep them always nice and warm in a cold world, without any effort of
theirs; and the incurably romantic go on looking even in the squalor of the
divorce courts)."
J. R. R. Tolkein, "A Letter to Michael Tolkein, 6-8
March, 1941"