“Nothing is more likely to engender selfish habits (which is
the direct opposite and negation of charity), than independence in our worldly
circumstances. Men who have no tie on them, who have no calls on their daily
sympathy and tenderness, who have no one's comfort to consult, who can move
about as they please, and indulge the love of variety and the restless humours
which are so congenial to the minds of most men, are very unfavourably situated
for obtaining that heavenly gift, which is described in our Liturgy, as being
"the very bond of peace and of all virtues." On the other hand, I
cannot fancy any state of life more favourable for the exercise of high
Christian principle, and the matured and refined Christian spirit (that is,
where the parties really seek to do their duty), than that of persons who
differ in tastes and general character, being obliged by circumstances to live
together, and mutually to accommodate to each other their respective wishes and
pursuits.—And this is one among the many providential benefits (to those who
will receive them) arising out of the Holy Estate of Matrimony; which not only
calls out the tenderest and gentlest feelings of our nature, but, where persons
do their duty, must be in various ways more or less a state of self-denial.”
J. H. Newman, “Love of Relations and Friends.” Parochial and
Plain Sermons, II.5.
